I, Frankenstein (2014)

God damn, this film is stupidly bad. There's so much stupidity, I don't even know where to start, so I'm just going to jump straight in. 

The plot is an unimaginative "evil forces plan to destroy mankind, and only one person can stop them" kind of story. That one person is Frankenstein's monster, or Adam as he's called in this film. ("Get it? Like the first man god created? It's like mankind is playing God! Do you see what we did there?"). 

Why has this poster been photoshopped so lazily? Two of those gargoyles have clearly just been copied and pasted. The same lack of effort went into every other aspect of the film, so I guess it works well in the marketing too.

The main character in this film had no personality whatsoever. Not only that, but he has no motivations to justify any of his actions. Why does he decide to start hunting demons after 200 years of being alone? He clearly doesn't like the company of others, so why not just stay isolated? Similarly, later in the film, why does he suddenly start caring about the people? He seriously said: "My circumstances have changed. I have someone with me now. A human. A scientist. I have to protect her." Why do you have to protect her? There's no motivation for it, other than "it's where the writer wants the story to go".

The film was written terribly. Putting aside the hilariously cheesy dialogue, it's as if the film couldn't make up it's mind if we're supposed to be supporting the angels, or Adam, or maybe both? He constantly flips between fighting with them and fighting against them, to the point where I stopped rooting for anyone to be victorious. 

Because I didn't care about the characters, there was no tension in any of the action scenes, since I couldn't care about the outcome. If the action was decent in this film, it might have made it bearable, but it wasn't. The fight choreography was standard, the CGI was poor, and the make up made the demons look like something out of some old Star Trek movie.

There are loads of small things that pissed me off about this film. We're supposed to believe this 30 year old doctor woman is one of the world's most respected electrophysiologists? Even if that were true, why is she the ONLY person who is able to make sense of Frankenstein's journal? It doesn't make any sense. Blonde doctor also declares that she'd rather die than help the demons reanimate an army... except if they kill a work colleague. At that point, it's worth raising an army of monsters to kill all of mankind, just in the vain hope that she'll also revive some old dude she works with. 

I think the thing that annoyed me the most about this film was how incapable the army of angels/gargoyles were. So you've been defending the Earth from demons for hundreds of years, and yet you still couldn't figure out that their (enormous) base was a quarter of a mile from yours? How useless are you people? They also lock Adam up at one point for not being secretive enough when he killed a demon in an alley, but later we see the gargoyles flying around, roaring loudly, smashing up buildings, crushing cars, causing huge fires and being a general nuisance. Bit hypocritical aren't we? Also, are there no humans in this city whatsoever? The entire city was deserted for the majority of the film. 

These kind of films are often good for just switching off your brain and enjoying some mindless fun for a while. Not this film, however. This film really didn't entertain me in any way.

Overall, I rate I, Frankenstein 0/10.

On no level did I enjoy this film. It's worthless.